when something happens out of the blue and it’s all you can think about.

and you wonder why, why today, why this moment, why people always try and come back when its too too late. and why you even care enough to give it a second thought.

You no longer exist. You will no longer be a topic of conversation, and I’ll make sure no one ever knows that I give you a second thought. I’ve let you get under my skin, but I won’t let you affect me anymore.

Starting now.

Resolutions

1. Talk to my family more, spend more time with them.
2. Start reading more, outside of school.
3. Focus on what’s best for me, stay positive.
4. Start saving money.
5. Organize everything I have to do following spring break.

I guess a text two weeks late is better than no text at all, hmm?

i had a dream that we fixed everything and that this whole time you had missed me too.

i don’t know what’s wrong with me. i hate those kind of dreams.

sometimes i miss you, and there’s nothing i can do about it.

dear 6 foot something, dark haired, dark eyed, nicely built, sweetheart

you need to ask for my number.

the difference between what we do and don’t.

When the music is up, and the lights are low, and the people around us are too drunk to notice, and the alcohol has just barely settled, and the kisses down my neck start to get a little more intense, we don’t go back to my room. We don’t walk back holding hands, stumble in laughing, lock the door, shut off the lights, pull on each other, try and get closer because any closer wouldn’t even remotely be close enough. We don’t layout on my bed, you don’t get on me, we don’t kiss, suck, bite, lick. We don’t play with handcuffs for the sake of entertainment and we don’t make small talk. We don’t cuddle and fall asleep, we don’t wake up the next morning together, you don’t stay and sleep for an hour or so after I have to leave. These moments don’t exist. Because if they did, we wouldn’t keep an arms length away from each other in public. If they did, we might just kiss and everyone might be watching. If we did, you might tell some of your close friends that I’m different compared to everyone else. But only if you really thought so, and even if anything did happen between us, who’s to say the things you say when we’re alone together are true. Who’s to say we’re ever alone together? Because if these moments were true, why would we continue to act as though they don’t and never did exist? And who’s to say I care either way?

my name is .

I’m a little confusing. I both know and don’t know who I am. I’m on the borderline of self-acceptance. The things I write may be overdone and overused, but regardless, I mean every single thing I write. I have trouble letting go. I care to much. I think I love more than I initially admit. I get attached easy. I take people for who they are, or maybe, for who they want me to think they are. I don’t take the time to change anybody anymore, nor do I think people really change. Not from the core, anyway. I think people grow. I’m growing, not changing. I have regrets, which is strange because I haven’t done much in my life worth regretting…. Maybe I wouldn’t really consider them regrets. I overthink these sort of things… I overthink everything. I doubt myself and sometimes I doubt other people because of it. I worry to much, I’m scared of too many things. I’m trying to figure how to do more and perhaps think less. Sometimes I feel lonely. I hate feeling lonely. But I’m learning to love myself more than I already do, and to love and to love and to love and to not be afraid of loving.

As of right now, that’s all you need to know.